#1: the people who work there are just pulling a check. they don’t actually give a crap and a half. they just want to finish their shift and go play video games or whatever the hell else people do for fun nowadays.

#2: they aren’t actually any help. when someone calls a crisis helpline, it’s for one reason: because they feel overwhelmed about something and they are seeking assistance. being referred to some counselor somewhere is good sometimes, but that’s not always helpful at the moment. I called four helplines tonight because I simply feel overwhelmed as shit… the last lady actually yelled at me and told me that if I want a better life I need to be willing to do what she says, “call this other number and set up an appointment with a trained professional.”

#3: that’s another thing - nobody knows how to make people feel human anymore. of all the helplines I’ve ever called, I can’t think of any that haven’t used the words “assesment” or “trained professional” … it’s as if people who don’t have life completely under control are diseased, and their mistakes will become epidemic and take over the world if not handled by someone with certain expertise. If I’m calling a helpline it’s because I want someone that I don’t feel like I’m disappointing to talk to me objectively about the things in my life that are overwhelming me. If I want to be assessed, I’ll call Dr. Phil.

#4: the biggest point I want to make is this: after calling around, hoping to find someone to talk to that I don’t have to feel judged by, I not only DON”T FEEL ANY BETTER, but I feel judged and frustrated. I really wonder how many people decided to go ahead and pull the trigger after making a call to one of those places… BECAUSE they called one of those places.

I think that once I get my own life comfortable and organized the way I really want it to be, I’m going to start a crisis helpline. It’s going to be different than the others because I’m not out to make money and I’m not out to get famous. When someone calls because life gave them a shot they can’t dunk with 3 seconds left on the clock, I’m not going to give them the phone number to someone who’s waiting for them with another phone number. I’m going to sit there and talk. “Good evening, you’ve reached the Elerson Helpline. This is Grey. How are you?”

People need to be reminded sometimes that they’re human, and that everything they do isn’t a failure. That everyone doesn’t avoid them. That they have a purpose in life even if they haven’t found it yet.  THAT is what a helpline should do.